I was not born and raised in Kosciusko County, I moved here as an adult. While it is small compared to the other places I have lived, I like this area. I think it is a good place to raise a family. My perception is that because it is a "small town" many people are small minded regarding the LGBT community. It also seems to be a very conservative, Christian area, as such, most are not accepting of LGBT people.
Honestly I never knew I was "different". I was raised in the church and thus heard that it was a choice. So, I guess since I was attracted to the same sex I thought others were as well. I always believed that every person was attracted to both sexes and chose which sex to be involved with. In my mind only the brave dated the same sex. I was over 40 when I realized that most people were not attracted to the same sex. It was very eye opening for me! I quickly realized that I was a lesbian. The years of secretly desiring girls/women and feeling a great deal of guilt (because that was the wrong choice) were confirmation.
In middle school I was constantly getting out of showering with my classmates, I had long, frequent periods so that helped. I was told that I looked too long at other girls and made them uncomfortable. When I was in high school, I didn't take gym class opting for JROTC instead for the same reasons. During basic training I simply woke before the rest of girls in my dorm.
When I came out I lost a lot of friends. Ok, most of my friends. I have attended several churches in the area and the majority of my friends were from one church or another. I was shunned. When attending church activities for my children the people I worshipped with for years wouldn't even speak to me. I have had people stare when I hold my wife's hand in public and heard the whispered comments about the gay couple. I deliver mail and a customer asked me about my relationship status and when I told her I was with a woman she was disgusted and ranted about my being an abomination before God. She said that all "gays/lesbians/whatever's" should be banned to an island to die. I get called sir frequently, even though I have a big bust line and often wear pink. A receptionist at my Dr's office would not accept that I had a wife. When making an appointment for my wife, she kept glaring at me and proceeded to ask multiple times if we were married.
One of the most common misperceptions of both LGBT and straight people is that LGBT have a separate and different lifestyle. This is not true. As LGBT, we do nothing different; we work, eat and sleep just the same as everyone else. We just happen to do those things with someone of the same sex. We are not perverted, or child molesters, nor do we have orgies every night. We are just like you.
I can't say how this area is changing, as it has only been a few years since I've really been aware of it, however, I do think that in those few years people have become more accepting. There seems to be less judging when I hold my wife's hand in public. I think there will be a stronger presence in this area and that as people are educated they will be more accepting and supportive. I feel like ignorance prevails in this area. Educating the people on LGBT and interacting with them as LGBT in a non-violent manner will enable more people to be accepting. People fear what they don't understand, the only way to belay fear is to educate them. Sometimes it takes knowing someone who is LGBT to open the eyes of a judgmental, none accepting person.
I have been presently surprised by the love and acceptance found in this area. I have been accepted by 2 churches in the area without judgement. This is important to me because my faith is a huge part of who I am. It means so much to me that I can worship with and be accepted by other believers.
I do not consider myself to be "in the closet", I am open about being married to a woman. I try to be respectful and not be "in your face" with PDA, but I have and will hold hands with my wife and kiss her goodbye. I would not say that I go out of my way to influence public affairs however, if there is an event planned to support LGBT that I am able to attend I do my best to be present.
I have seen more of an LGBT community in the past few years, prior to that I just wasn't aware because I was not seeking it. Since accepting and acknowledging I am gay I am more aware of other LGBT in the area. It has been an eye-opening experience to see supporters and other LGBT people in this area. The fact that we have a Diversity Rally that includes LGBT and an LGBT group at the high school is very encouraging!
40-ish. Lesbian woman. Black. Middle class. Moved here in the 2000s.
Showing posts with label lesbian. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lesbian. Show all posts
Friday, March 18, 2016
Thursday, March 3, 2016
Britt
Kosciusko County was a physically safe place to grow up, 15+ years ago, but it was not an emotionally safe one. I am grateful I was part of a church community that was not completely anti-gay, that my parents and friends were supportive of me. But I did not come out as a lesbian fully until college, due to animosity both perceived and experienced from fellow students, WCHS faculty, and community members.
I was 15 and I saw a magazine letters page where a girl had written in about her two best friends being in a lesbian relationship. They had included with this article a picture from "if these walls could talk II" of Chloe Sevigny leaning up against a wall very close to Michelle Williams... and I suddenly realized what all my friends were talking about when they talked about boys they had crushes on. Yikes. I presented as very stereotypically femme in high school, which was not how I wanted to look, but how I figured I could pass. I'm not sure it really worked, anyway. But I tried. I also used my Christian faith in high school to explain why I "couldn't possibly" be gay.
When I was a senior in high school, WCHS got a GSA. I didn't join for fear but I did fight for it as a member of the student council. One of the ramifications of this club, based out of conservative backlash, was that no clubs were allowed to use public school buses anymore. I was a member of the ski club, and our annual rates went up a bit as we suddenly had to pay for coach buses to Swiss Valley. One day we were getting on the bus and a student in front of me asked the teacher chaperoning, "why can't we use the school buses anymore?" His response was to roll his eyes and say "ohhhh, because of the little 'boys and girls club' we all have to walk on eggshells now." It's the closest I've ever been to wanting to sucker punch a grown ass man. I also was a cadet teacher in high school getting good marks working in a third grade classroom until I wrote a letter to the editor defending gay marriage. Shortly after that the teacher I was working with docked me to a C and sent allegations to my high school advisor that I "favored the girls." And some kids wrote "DYKE" on my parents driveway once.
I'm not in the closet but it's been many years since I've been politically active... except in the sense that "the personal is political" and I can use my "outness" to influence others daily. I no longer present in ways that make me uncomfortable (stereotypically "men's" fashion and a short hairstyle). Being queer has given me a wider world view. I had to work harder as a person of faith to develop something authentic and individual. I am able to relate with others or understand the spirit of their own oppression, if not the oppression itself. I'm a singer songwriter and struggle begats art :). I've traveled a lot and I've written music about growing up in a restrictive environment and the freedom that exists elsewhere. That things are much much bigger than KC would have you believe. It's actually given me some small amount of sympathy toward the people who are born and die there not knowing how much they are limiting themselves. KC people haven't really "allowed" me to develop this because I have been gone from Indiana for 10 years. But they did gift me with the freedom and the encouragement to leave, either by being wholly unaccepting of me, or by being the few teachers, mentors I had that quietly told me I could be who I was and that there was better out there.
I think things have changed a lot in the years since I've been gone. I'm grateful to my own mom for being one of the founders of the diversity rally that exists annually now, and I know that other groups exist. I wish I would have been more courageous and joined the gsa when still in high school. The annual diversity rally and recent counter-protest to whatever dumb thing Monica Boyer was hosting are prime examples of people speaking up and being allowed to do so. I know that one of the major orthopedics companies on Warsaw has a diversity support group for employees, including LGBT. I'm happy to see these sorts of things happening. I'm happy to see that the loudest voices I hear coming out of my hometown and home county are not exclusively white, straight, and conservative. I think things can only get better and I am grateful to the people who stayed behind to make sure they do.
30-ish. Lesbian/queer female. White. Middle class. Lived here in 1990s & 2000s.
I was 15 and I saw a magazine letters page where a girl had written in about her two best friends being in a lesbian relationship. They had included with this article a picture from "if these walls could talk II" of Chloe Sevigny leaning up against a wall very close to Michelle Williams... and I suddenly realized what all my friends were talking about when they talked about boys they had crushes on. Yikes. I presented as very stereotypically femme in high school, which was not how I wanted to look, but how I figured I could pass. I'm not sure it really worked, anyway. But I tried. I also used my Christian faith in high school to explain why I "couldn't possibly" be gay.
When I was a senior in high school, WCHS got a GSA. I didn't join for fear but I did fight for it as a member of the student council. One of the ramifications of this club, based out of conservative backlash, was that no clubs were allowed to use public school buses anymore. I was a member of the ski club, and our annual rates went up a bit as we suddenly had to pay for coach buses to Swiss Valley. One day we were getting on the bus and a student in front of me asked the teacher chaperoning, "why can't we use the school buses anymore?" His response was to roll his eyes and say "ohhhh, because of the little 'boys and girls club' we all have to walk on eggshells now." It's the closest I've ever been to wanting to sucker punch a grown ass man. I also was a cadet teacher in high school getting good marks working in a third grade classroom until I wrote a letter to the editor defending gay marriage. Shortly after that the teacher I was working with docked me to a C and sent allegations to my high school advisor that I "favored the girls." And some kids wrote "DYKE" on my parents driveway once.
I'm not in the closet but it's been many years since I've been politically active... except in the sense that "the personal is political" and I can use my "outness" to influence others daily. I no longer present in ways that make me uncomfortable (stereotypically "men's" fashion and a short hairstyle). Being queer has given me a wider world view. I had to work harder as a person of faith to develop something authentic and individual. I am able to relate with others or understand the spirit of their own oppression, if not the oppression itself. I'm a singer songwriter and struggle begats art :). I've traveled a lot and I've written music about growing up in a restrictive environment and the freedom that exists elsewhere. That things are much much bigger than KC would have you believe. It's actually given me some small amount of sympathy toward the people who are born and die there not knowing how much they are limiting themselves. KC people haven't really "allowed" me to develop this because I have been gone from Indiana for 10 years. But they did gift me with the freedom and the encouragement to leave, either by being wholly unaccepting of me, or by being the few teachers, mentors I had that quietly told me I could be who I was and that there was better out there.
I think things have changed a lot in the years since I've been gone. I'm grateful to my own mom for being one of the founders of the diversity rally that exists annually now, and I know that other groups exist. I wish I would have been more courageous and joined the gsa when still in high school. The annual diversity rally and recent counter-protest to whatever dumb thing Monica Boyer was hosting are prime examples of people speaking up and being allowed to do so. I know that one of the major orthopedics companies on Warsaw has a diversity support group for employees, including LGBT. I'm happy to see these sorts of things happening. I'm happy to see that the loudest voices I hear coming out of my hometown and home county are not exclusively white, straight, and conservative. I think things can only get better and I am grateful to the people who stayed behind to make sure they do.
30-ish. Lesbian/queer female. White. Middle class. Lived here in 1990s & 2000s.
Sunday, February 7, 2016
Anonymous 5
I've lived in Kosciusko my whole life. The population is fairly conservative but I have noticed a rise in the number of people that are more open to positive changes and acceptance of differences in others. Kosciusko does have community members that are LGBT but I wouldn't say they have a strong LGBT community. Most people I know who are LGBT want to get out of Kosciusko in hopes to find better LGBT community elsewhere.
In middle school, all the girls were obsessed with boys and I never understood. I was just like yeah, big whoop. Never was physically attracted to guys. Thought maybe something was broken in me. Freshman year of high school, with hormones and all that shit, I started dating a guy not because I was attracted to him but because he liked me and I wanted to fill my need of being loved by someone. But it never felt right. Then I realized I was more attracted to my best friend than I was to my boyfriend.
I am definitely "in the closet" in my home life. I was raised in the church and my family carries strong beliefs. I am extremely open with my friends and colleagues. I have, however, lied to people countless times about my sexuality. I try not to get involved in public affairs because I still live with my parents and am afraid they will not be accepting of my "lifestyle and choices." I quite often hear my mom go on and on about how the gays are ruining America and how it's a shame that so many of my siblings' high school classmates are "coming out so confidently." I have heard many a douche bag use degrading slangs and phrases towards myself and others. I currently have at least one person, that I know of only because they told me, trying to "pray the gay away" out of me.
Because of the place I am in life right now, I've just chosen to stay single and not look for a relationship. (The college I go to is a private Christian school. [yes, I'm one of those gay Christians]) I don't necessarily try to hide my differences. I don't feel like I'm much different than others. I just am attracted to women. I came out to closest friends and then to my colleagues. They have been my greatest supporters. It feels so freeing to just be myself. I hope to one day come out entirely.
20-ish. Lesbian/bisexual woman/female. White. Working class. Grew up here.
In middle school, all the girls were obsessed with boys and I never understood. I was just like yeah, big whoop. Never was physically attracted to guys. Thought maybe something was broken in me. Freshman year of high school, with hormones and all that shit, I started dating a guy not because I was attracted to him but because he liked me and I wanted to fill my need of being loved by someone. But it never felt right. Then I realized I was more attracted to my best friend than I was to my boyfriend.
I am definitely "in the closet" in my home life. I was raised in the church and my family carries strong beliefs. I am extremely open with my friends and colleagues. I have, however, lied to people countless times about my sexuality. I try not to get involved in public affairs because I still live with my parents and am afraid they will not be accepting of my "lifestyle and choices." I quite often hear my mom go on and on about how the gays are ruining America and how it's a shame that so many of my siblings' high school classmates are "coming out so confidently." I have heard many a douche bag use degrading slangs and phrases towards myself and others. I currently have at least one person, that I know of only because they told me, trying to "pray the gay away" out of me.
Because of the place I am in life right now, I've just chosen to stay single and not look for a relationship. (The college I go to is a private Christian school. [yes, I'm one of those gay Christians]) I don't necessarily try to hide my differences. I don't feel like I'm much different than others. I just am attracted to women. I came out to closest friends and then to my colleagues. They have been my greatest supporters. It feels so freeing to just be myself. I hope to one day come out entirely.
20-ish. Lesbian/bisexual woman/female. White. Working class. Grew up here.
Wednesday, February 3, 2016
Anonymous 3
I went to Grace College. When I see people I went to school with or have contact with the school, I'm uncomfortable. I went to church here for years. Contact with people I knew from church is also uncomfortable. Sometimes I assume many in the Warsaw area have similar beliefs as I've heard from church and college, making me be fairly cautious in public.
I was raised hearing God sends homosexuals to Hell. That was all I ever heard. I always knew I didn't quite fit in. I was very lonely. In highschool I noticed I had different attractions, but I didn't dare. I went to a conservative college where I kept it to myself. I was a rule-follower hoping everything would work out. I got married, had a kid and a career, but I was dying inside. Eventually I realized I wasn't really living, my years were just slipping away as I suffered through. I was in my thirties by the time I decided I needed to care less about what everyone else thought and take better care of myself.
I'm an introverted person. Those close to me know about my personal life. To me it's a private matter. I am not forward about it. If it comes up, I won't deny it either. I am more careful at work and in our community. I have groups of friends where I feel more freedom. I'm politically aware and vote. When I'm getting dressed I'm mindful of if I blend in enough or if I will stand out. I want to be comfortable, but I don't want to stand out.
I have people who won't talk to me anymore. When I told my best friend in college, she freaked out. She wouldn't talk to me for a month. I felt horrible and more lonely than before. Eventually she talked to me again, but it was never the same. Some people just seem to need to share their beliefs about it if I'm asking them or not. Mostly people are just uncomfortable. I think it will take some time. Maybe within five to ten years people will be more comfortable.
I joined roller derby which really enabled me to find my voice. I was with a new group of amazing women who were authentic and living life. It inspired me to live mine. There is freedom in saying this is who I am. My wife and I got married this year. I couldn't believe how many people came to support us! Many were from my wife's parents' church group. They were happy for us. I couldn't believe it.
40-ish. Lesbian female. White. Middle class. Moved here in the 2000s.
I was raised hearing God sends homosexuals to Hell. That was all I ever heard. I always knew I didn't quite fit in. I was very lonely. In highschool I noticed I had different attractions, but I didn't dare. I went to a conservative college where I kept it to myself. I was a rule-follower hoping everything would work out. I got married, had a kid and a career, but I was dying inside. Eventually I realized I wasn't really living, my years were just slipping away as I suffered through. I was in my thirties by the time I decided I needed to care less about what everyone else thought and take better care of myself.
I'm an introverted person. Those close to me know about my personal life. To me it's a private matter. I am not forward about it. If it comes up, I won't deny it either. I am more careful at work and in our community. I have groups of friends where I feel more freedom. I'm politically aware and vote. When I'm getting dressed I'm mindful of if I blend in enough or if I will stand out. I want to be comfortable, but I don't want to stand out.
I have people who won't talk to me anymore. When I told my best friend in college, she freaked out. She wouldn't talk to me for a month. I felt horrible and more lonely than before. Eventually she talked to me again, but it was never the same. Some people just seem to need to share their beliefs about it if I'm asking them or not. Mostly people are just uncomfortable. I think it will take some time. Maybe within five to ten years people will be more comfortable.
I joined roller derby which really enabled me to find my voice. I was with a new group of amazing women who were authentic and living life. It inspired me to live mine. There is freedom in saying this is who I am. My wife and I got married this year. I couldn't believe how many people came to support us! Many were from my wife's parents' church group. They were happy for us. I couldn't believe it.
40-ish. Lesbian female. White. Middle class. Moved here in the 2000s.
Tuesday, February 2, 2016
Anonymous 2
It's a little difficult living in such a conservative town. It has helped me however to still be myself. I don't necessarily feel the need to live out loud. Like not everyone needs to know that I am a lesbian. I am comfortable in my skin. The people I am close with know I have a wife and I'm not ashamed to hide it. My personal life doesn't need to be shoved in anyone's face. I think I went through a phase where I wanted people to know and accept me. But, being myself and being a good person helps people slowly accept. "Hey that's an awesome person and they happen to be gay" helps give our group a better name. My family took a while to be supportive but they got there and are the most supportive. We have to understand that it is still a very new concept for people. And they are uncomfortable with it it will take time. It isn't something that is going to change overnight. It's something we have had plenty of time to come to come to terms with it. They will get there.
I didn't realize I'm lesbian until I was about 20. Looking back it was always a thing I just was oblivious to it. When I was young, i wanted to grow up to be a boy. I was focused on how everything's "supposed" to be and always had boyfriends but realized I was never actually attracted to them, I just picked them because they were fun to hang out with and we enjoyed similar things. When other girls would talk about guys would just agree and say "yea he is so hot. I want to do things with that guy." If I were talking to a guy I could talk a lot of talk but when it came down to it I didn't even feel comfortable kissing them. I realized something was different when all the girls wanted to do things and I didn't get it. It was easy to be a Christian virgin when you're not into that. There is a point where I had to test the waters on both sides. To for sure know for myself. I am a lesbian. That is for sure. I actually developed a sex drive once I finally kissed a girl I liked.
I don't care if people know; it helps when people don't shove it in their faces. I'm not ashamed of who I am and who I am married to. I work in the public and keep it on the down low. However anyone I work with can tell you that I have a wife and a step-son who are my world. Some people are uncomfortable when I talk about it and I know not to talk about it around them - I'm being respectful to them and their belief or choice, and then they are respectful to me in return. It's a delicate balance. I was bagging groceries one day and a very conservative girl who I used to work with and knew I was gay, told me she didn't want me to bag her groceries. What irritates me the most is when you tell someone and then they think you are into them. Like honey, if most men aren't into you what makes you think I'm into you? Just because you are a girl doesn't mean I'm into you, I have standards. Are you into any just guy because he has a penis? No. I'm not into you, I am just being nice to you.
I just say screw it, and be happy - I got married to my best friend the love of my life. And couldn't be happier. So worth it. What's the point of living a lie and being miserable just to do what everyone else is comfortable with? It's nice when people know you and find out and are like oh OK. And that's it. Then say "you're married right? Tell me about your wife."
We can marry - that is huge! I think that's a little more acceptable. I think it will take time but I think eventually people will realize they are just people nothing to be afraid of.
30-ish. Lesbian female. White. Middle class. Lived here entire life.
I didn't realize I'm lesbian until I was about 20. Looking back it was always a thing I just was oblivious to it. When I was young, i wanted to grow up to be a boy. I was focused on how everything's "supposed" to be and always had boyfriends but realized I was never actually attracted to them, I just picked them because they were fun to hang out with and we enjoyed similar things. When other girls would talk about guys would just agree and say "yea he is so hot. I want to do things with that guy." If I were talking to a guy I could talk a lot of talk but when it came down to it I didn't even feel comfortable kissing them. I realized something was different when all the girls wanted to do things and I didn't get it. It was easy to be a Christian virgin when you're not into that. There is a point where I had to test the waters on both sides. To for sure know for myself. I am a lesbian. That is for sure. I actually developed a sex drive once I finally kissed a girl I liked.
I don't care if people know; it helps when people don't shove it in their faces. I'm not ashamed of who I am and who I am married to. I work in the public and keep it on the down low. However anyone I work with can tell you that I have a wife and a step-son who are my world. Some people are uncomfortable when I talk about it and I know not to talk about it around them - I'm being respectful to them and their belief or choice, and then they are respectful to me in return. It's a delicate balance. I was bagging groceries one day and a very conservative girl who I used to work with and knew I was gay, told me she didn't want me to bag her groceries. What irritates me the most is when you tell someone and then they think you are into them. Like honey, if most men aren't into you what makes you think I'm into you? Just because you are a girl doesn't mean I'm into you, I have standards. Are you into any just guy because he has a penis? No. I'm not into you, I am just being nice to you.
I just say screw it, and be happy - I got married to my best friend the love of my life. And couldn't be happier. So worth it. What's the point of living a lie and being miserable just to do what everyone else is comfortable with? It's nice when people know you and find out and are like oh OK. And that's it. Then say "you're married right? Tell me about your wife."
We can marry - that is huge! I think that's a little more acceptable. I think it will take time but I think eventually people will realize they are just people nothing to be afraid of.
30-ish. Lesbian female. White. Middle class. Lived here entire life.
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