I have definitely grown over the years. It took a long time to accept my sexuality because living in such a conservative environment, it’s been a struggle. Maybe it’s because it took me so long to come out, because I never had a strong support system until the last couple years, that I’m finally pretty okay with my sexuality. It’s hard getting over stigma and religious beliefs, but I’ve definitely grown a lot as I’ve gotten older and I give less fucks now. Being in a conservative church for so long, living in that culture of shame and guilt… it’s so hard to explain. Even though you logically know things, you still have that brainwashing left you’re trying to get over. I’m okay with myself logically, but there’s still that leftover spiritual abuse. I’m fine being open about it, but it’s hard putting it into words, all the feelings and stuff.
Living here has made me incredibly angry, the longer I live here the more it drives me to try to change things, and to try to be the best ally I can be to other people in the LGBT community and to try to educate others. I’m still a work in progress myself. Since I came to the LGBT community, there’s still a lot I need to learn. I didn’t really know anybody from the community growing up. It really wasn’t talked about, at all.
Even in high school I didn’t know anybody. I kind of was a loner anyway, so I really didn’t pay much attention to what was going on. I was struggling with my own shit. I think that is why I didn’t come out. My parents didn’t really talk about it, plus being in the church, that was all negative, homosexuality was deemed sinful. I didn’t know anybody that was part of the community, I didn’t know what to do, so I kind of buried it. I didn’t know how to talk to my parents about it, so I just buried it. My dad’s an asshole, so there’s no way. He had issues with me just being different, period. If I had came out, it would have been hell. My mom kind of suspected, but she never really said anything, she kinda wanted me to figure out on my own. Negativity-wise, all of it came from the church, but outside of that I wouldn’t hear too much. That’s another thing: it’s either gay or straight, or you’re confused. That’s probably the reason I didn’t come out either, because people kept telling me that “oh you’re confused, because of your mental illness”. No, I’ve known since I was a child that I like both boys and girls. My first crush was a female. I didn’t know what my feelings meant, I couldn’t share them.
I definitely think this area is evolving. Despite it’s very conservative climate, there seems to be a growing number of people who are thinking outside the box, people that are more aware, and especially with the younger generations, they seem to be more culturally aware too, so things are changing. There’s still a lot of hostility especially toward the LGBT community. Personally I haven’t faced a lot of it, because I’m introverted, but maybe that’s because things are changing and a lot of old people are dying. It does seem like the political climate here is swinging more moderate. People seem to be waking up to various issues, there seems to be a growing acceptance of the LGBT community. There’s still tons of discrimination, that hasn’t gone away, but it seems to be gradually getting better. Kosciusko County is one of the most conservative counties in the country. Even though it’s really conservative, it seems like the younger generations are changing things here, so I have a lot of hope for things to progress, especially for the LGBT community.
I saw the need for the Warsaw LGBT and Supporters Group, knowing a lot of LGBT people wanted so desperately to connect, so I initially started a support group. I want to connect too, and since I'm trying to figure stuff out, I want to be around other people in the community so I could grow. Initially it was that I saw the need here and the desperate need, definitely. I had a friend originally say “you should start an LGBT group, you are passionate about LGBT issues, and there’s not really anybody else doing it, so you have a passion for social justice, so maybe you should focus on this.” (I feel bad because I don’t use the entire LGBTQIA+, I think it’s easier to use LGBT, sorry for alienating the other people.) Some of the friends I had already were part of the community. Friends of friends of friends. It’s funny too, because a lot of people I know say “you need to be friends with these people!” All of my friend groups are all connected to one another. That’s how I met so many. Otherwise I wouldn't seek out. Everything kinda fell into my lap.
It seems like there’s a really awesome sense of community in Warsaw. When you're connected, you’re really connected. There’s a lot of love here. I think some of us get lost in all the negativity but once you find a connection, it's really easy to find lifelong friends. Being a small town it’s easier to find connections, despite all the negativity, there are a lot of wonderful people here. Living in a small town it’s easier to find people, especially if they’re different, like you in some way, it’s easier to build lifelong friendships too. I’ve been enriched by the friendships, I want to be a better person because of my friends. They give me hope, they give me the drive to connect with other people.
I know a lot of people not part of the majority feel “oh there’s nobody like me”, but actually there are so many other people with the same desires. I know the hopelessness, I know the feeling of loneliness, but there are such amazing people here also wanting to fight the good fight, also wanting to raise awareness and educate here. I know it’s hard going out to try to connect to people, but once you find that, it’s amazing. This is why I want to live in a big city, but at the same time I know I wouldn’t make those connection in a big city. As much as I hate it here, I know if I move away I will never have those connections again. We’re all connected in some weird little way. There are people I didn’t even know existed here, and it was like WTF? Especially our generation, we are connected. In high school there were a lot of people that I knew, and then I became close friends with them after high school. A lot of them chose to stay here. All the atheists, LGBT, progressives, they all hang out with each other and have friends with each other. Once you meet one person, you meet everybody.
I would like the group possibly to become a not-for profit and set up something in Warsaw that helps especially LGBT youth, like a community center where they can come and get resources. Also I would like the group to be more politically involved, not only as a support group, maybe some sort of activism, connected to other activist groups in the area. I have a lot of ideas I just don’t know how realistic they are. I would love to buy a building when there’s money and use it as a community space, have somewhere we can regularly meet, services, counseling, but that’s a work. I would love to have an LGBT homeless shelter, or even a commune.
29. Bisexual woman. White. Poor.
Friday, February 26, 2016
Thursday, February 25, 2016
Gimln
I figured out that I'm male when I was 4, but it didn’t click till I was 13. My mom takes care of most of the research for me, but my family's attitudes toward me has not changed.
People are being a lot more accepting these days, it’s not as much a crime to be different. The stuff on Caitlyn Jenner, I thought that was interesting. Warsaw Community High School talked about that for a little bit, but now it’s died out. From what I heard it was mostly positive. I have been teased in the past, so I really don’t tell anyone, and I know it’s not safe; I don’t want to end up hurt or anything.
The high school does have a GSA, Ms Hamilton is our resource coordinator, she has all these books and stuff in her classroom. She welcomes anyone, but there’s no harm in her classroom or she kicks you out. The groups meet once a month. Sometimes we hang out, sometimes it’s serious business, sometimes it’s education days like about gender verbs or differences between one thing and another, like gender fluid vs transgender.
Q: How do you think it would help if these things were taught in a general education like a health class, rather than at a school club? A: I think it would make a difference, there’s so much they could teach us that’s out there, but they don’t help us understand it.
The Leesburg/Clunette area, they’re a little more against the acceptance, they don’t think it’s right. It’s a lot of older people. In the Warsaw area, it’s a lot more accepting, they allow the LGBT community to participate in events that they didn’t used to. My immediate family is mostly supportive, but my grandmother sometimes forgets certain things; it’s difficult to break the habit.
I think understanding myself as transgender kinda fixes certain problems that I have - I have a lot stronger grip than a normal girl would. It’s kinda nice that if they don’t change the law, I would get paid more than woman, but it’s not fair to women. I feel better about myself; I don’t hate everything about me.
I definitely have to leave this area for the job I want. I hate Burbank California, but it’s where Walt Disney Animation Studios is. If that doesn’t work, I might end up teaching in a high school in California or elsewhere.
16. Trans male. Straight, prefer no sexual partner. White. Lived in area whole life. Not out to many people.
People are being a lot more accepting these days, it’s not as much a crime to be different. The stuff on Caitlyn Jenner, I thought that was interesting. Warsaw Community High School talked about that for a little bit, but now it’s died out. From what I heard it was mostly positive. I have been teased in the past, so I really don’t tell anyone, and I know it’s not safe; I don’t want to end up hurt or anything.
The high school does have a GSA, Ms Hamilton is our resource coordinator, she has all these books and stuff in her classroom. She welcomes anyone, but there’s no harm in her classroom or she kicks you out. The groups meet once a month. Sometimes we hang out, sometimes it’s serious business, sometimes it’s education days like about gender verbs or differences between one thing and another, like gender fluid vs transgender.
Q: How do you think it would help if these things were taught in a general education like a health class, rather than at a school club? A: I think it would make a difference, there’s so much they could teach us that’s out there, but they don’t help us understand it.
The Leesburg/Clunette area, they’re a little more against the acceptance, they don’t think it’s right. It’s a lot of older people. In the Warsaw area, it’s a lot more accepting, they allow the LGBT community to participate in events that they didn’t used to. My immediate family is mostly supportive, but my grandmother sometimes forgets certain things; it’s difficult to break the habit.
I think understanding myself as transgender kinda fixes certain problems that I have - I have a lot stronger grip than a normal girl would. It’s kinda nice that if they don’t change the law, I would get paid more than woman, but it’s not fair to women. I feel better about myself; I don’t hate everything about me.
I definitely have to leave this area for the job I want. I hate Burbank California, but it’s where Walt Disney Animation Studios is. If that doesn’t work, I might end up teaching in a high school in California or elsewhere.
16. Trans male. Straight, prefer no sexual partner. White. Lived in area whole life. Not out to many people.
Thursday, February 11, 2016
Jessi
There are a lot of older people where I work, and I get funny looks from time to time. I don't really care, but it's a larger company, so I know they can't say anything. Some of them are really nice.
I remember the arrests that happened around 90-91... it was at Lucerne Park. There were people who were meeting at night, going into the cabins. People eventually figured it out and they had an undercover sting out there. They got arrested. The paper was brutal. Had their names and businesses, some were business owners, front page of the paper. It was a very intolerant community at that time, it was completely to shame them. One was the florist, I'm surprise he managed to stay in business. You'd drive by and never see any patrons in the lot there. Typical evangelical community.
I remember the Ryan White thing. He was the hemophiliac who got HIV in the 80s. That was a really terrible thing because at that time they had no idea what to do - no retroviral drugs. If you got that, you died. It happened somewhere in the south in Indiana, but it was a national story because he was younger child, got it via blood transfusion, and there was a lot of gay fearmongering about that. Not only was it that gays are immoral, now there's this medical fearmongering.
That stuff was going on when I was in elementary school and did not understand myself then. But I did assume I wasn't a bad person, so I assumed I was straight. It wasn't until a number of years later that I started to understand my sexuality. A lot of it is I was raised in an orthodox family. I actually believed all that.
I was in the military; I was out with some friends, after a difficult deployment. Being in the Navy we hadn't drank in quite a while. We were doing the bar thing. I got separated from them, and I was like "fine whatever", so I did some more drinking, ran into a few other people, and started bar-hopping. At one point I exceeded my limits, got sick, the room was spinning, so I went outside to find a place to vomit. I got out to the street and I couldn't find any grassy knolls, so I ended up in a bus shelter. I passed out and the person who found me was... not a good samaritan. It was traumatizing for quite a while. And I know that a certain portion of that was me thinking "well I'm straight and I had this happen, what does that mean?" I think that's really what it took to even start to consider those possibilities. I don't think I ever would have gotten there or even realized it. That's probably a terrible way to put it. When I look back, even my childhood, there were definitely signs that I could see. It was really the socialization that had me so set against it. I can really shake my finger at Christianity now. It's hard not to be bitter.
Another story about someone else: It was in high school, 92-93. One of the girls used to go out to a place in Fort Wayne, a gay bar there. She came into school one day the entire side of her face purple, bruised up, her eye swollen shut. She was on the sidewalk going into the bar, and it was a thing for assholes to throw baseballs at people coming out for their entertainment.
I don't think that kind of stuff would be common anymore. There are a lot more people now who actually understand, whereas before, they didn't. They assumed really bad things about the person, about their choices. The only choice is whether you're going to accept yourself or not. If I were still a very spiritual person, maybe I never would have. I'm glad that I'm not spiritual.
I think my life is better now. I understand myself better, I'm happier. A lot of it is sexuality, but from my perspective it's closer related to gender... It's a lot easier on me to realize that some of the traits I have are not something that I should be ashamed of because I don't live up to the socially acceptable standards of masculinity. Obviously there are pretty high standards of being a man, and if you reject that, it's not always easy. It's so much more authentic for me, rather than trying to go through life like an actor and worry about whether I'm pleasing people or not.
There are some very good people who come from Indiana. The funny thing is a lot of them don't stay in the state. They have the tendency to leave. The best thing I can stay for this state is there are a few good people. I wanted to leave when I was younger, and I did get away. I hate to admit it, but this is home. I have roots here, I would like to stay for that reason. Sometimes.
38. Pansexual trans woman. White. First moved here 30 years ago.
I remember the arrests that happened around 90-91... it was at Lucerne Park. There were people who were meeting at night, going into the cabins. People eventually figured it out and they had an undercover sting out there. They got arrested. The paper was brutal. Had their names and businesses, some were business owners, front page of the paper. It was a very intolerant community at that time, it was completely to shame them. One was the florist, I'm surprise he managed to stay in business. You'd drive by and never see any patrons in the lot there. Typical evangelical community.
I remember the Ryan White thing. He was the hemophiliac who got HIV in the 80s. That was a really terrible thing because at that time they had no idea what to do - no retroviral drugs. If you got that, you died. It happened somewhere in the south in Indiana, but it was a national story because he was younger child, got it via blood transfusion, and there was a lot of gay fearmongering about that. Not only was it that gays are immoral, now there's this medical fearmongering.
That stuff was going on when I was in elementary school and did not understand myself then. But I did assume I wasn't a bad person, so I assumed I was straight. It wasn't until a number of years later that I started to understand my sexuality. A lot of it is I was raised in an orthodox family. I actually believed all that.
I was in the military; I was out with some friends, after a difficult deployment. Being in the Navy we hadn't drank in quite a while. We were doing the bar thing. I got separated from them, and I was like "fine whatever", so I did some more drinking, ran into a few other people, and started bar-hopping. At one point I exceeded my limits, got sick, the room was spinning, so I went outside to find a place to vomit. I got out to the street and I couldn't find any grassy knolls, so I ended up in a bus shelter. I passed out and the person who found me was... not a good samaritan. It was traumatizing for quite a while. And I know that a certain portion of that was me thinking "well I'm straight and I had this happen, what does that mean?" I think that's really what it took to even start to consider those possibilities. I don't think I ever would have gotten there or even realized it. That's probably a terrible way to put it. When I look back, even my childhood, there were definitely signs that I could see. It was really the socialization that had me so set against it. I can really shake my finger at Christianity now. It's hard not to be bitter.
Another story about someone else: It was in high school, 92-93. One of the girls used to go out to a place in Fort Wayne, a gay bar there. She came into school one day the entire side of her face purple, bruised up, her eye swollen shut. She was on the sidewalk going into the bar, and it was a thing for assholes to throw baseballs at people coming out for their entertainment.
I don't think that kind of stuff would be common anymore. There are a lot more people now who actually understand, whereas before, they didn't. They assumed really bad things about the person, about their choices. The only choice is whether you're going to accept yourself or not. If I were still a very spiritual person, maybe I never would have. I'm glad that I'm not spiritual.
I think my life is better now. I understand myself better, I'm happier. A lot of it is sexuality, but from my perspective it's closer related to gender... It's a lot easier on me to realize that some of the traits I have are not something that I should be ashamed of because I don't live up to the socially acceptable standards of masculinity. Obviously there are pretty high standards of being a man, and if you reject that, it's not always easy. It's so much more authentic for me, rather than trying to go through life like an actor and worry about whether I'm pleasing people or not.
There are some very good people who come from Indiana. The funny thing is a lot of them don't stay in the state. They have the tendency to leave. The best thing I can stay for this state is there are a few good people. I wanted to leave when I was younger, and I did get away. I hate to admit it, but this is home. I have roots here, I would like to stay for that reason. Sometimes.
38. Pansexual trans woman. White. First moved here 30 years ago.
Sunday, February 7, 2016
Anonymous 5
I've lived in Kosciusko my whole life. The population is fairly conservative but I have noticed a rise in the number of people that are more open to positive changes and acceptance of differences in others. Kosciusko does have community members that are LGBT but I wouldn't say they have a strong LGBT community. Most people I know who are LGBT want to get out of Kosciusko in hopes to find better LGBT community elsewhere.
In middle school, all the girls were obsessed with boys and I never understood. I was just like yeah, big whoop. Never was physically attracted to guys. Thought maybe something was broken in me. Freshman year of high school, with hormones and all that shit, I started dating a guy not because I was attracted to him but because he liked me and I wanted to fill my need of being loved by someone. But it never felt right. Then I realized I was more attracted to my best friend than I was to my boyfriend.
I am definitely "in the closet" in my home life. I was raised in the church and my family carries strong beliefs. I am extremely open with my friends and colleagues. I have, however, lied to people countless times about my sexuality. I try not to get involved in public affairs because I still live with my parents and am afraid they will not be accepting of my "lifestyle and choices." I quite often hear my mom go on and on about how the gays are ruining America and how it's a shame that so many of my siblings' high school classmates are "coming out so confidently." I have heard many a douche bag use degrading slangs and phrases towards myself and others. I currently have at least one person, that I know of only because they told me, trying to "pray the gay away" out of me.
Because of the place I am in life right now, I've just chosen to stay single and not look for a relationship. (The college I go to is a private Christian school. [yes, I'm one of those gay Christians]) I don't necessarily try to hide my differences. I don't feel like I'm much different than others. I just am attracted to women. I came out to closest friends and then to my colleagues. They have been my greatest supporters. It feels so freeing to just be myself. I hope to one day come out entirely.
20-ish. Lesbian/bisexual woman/female. White. Working class. Grew up here.
In middle school, all the girls were obsessed with boys and I never understood. I was just like yeah, big whoop. Never was physically attracted to guys. Thought maybe something was broken in me. Freshman year of high school, with hormones and all that shit, I started dating a guy not because I was attracted to him but because he liked me and I wanted to fill my need of being loved by someone. But it never felt right. Then I realized I was more attracted to my best friend than I was to my boyfriend.
I am definitely "in the closet" in my home life. I was raised in the church and my family carries strong beliefs. I am extremely open with my friends and colleagues. I have, however, lied to people countless times about my sexuality. I try not to get involved in public affairs because I still live with my parents and am afraid they will not be accepting of my "lifestyle and choices." I quite often hear my mom go on and on about how the gays are ruining America and how it's a shame that so many of my siblings' high school classmates are "coming out so confidently." I have heard many a douche bag use degrading slangs and phrases towards myself and others. I currently have at least one person, that I know of only because they told me, trying to "pray the gay away" out of me.
Because of the place I am in life right now, I've just chosen to stay single and not look for a relationship. (The college I go to is a private Christian school. [yes, I'm one of those gay Christians]) I don't necessarily try to hide my differences. I don't feel like I'm much different than others. I just am attracted to women. I came out to closest friends and then to my colleagues. They have been my greatest supporters. It feels so freeing to just be myself. I hope to one day come out entirely.
20-ish. Lesbian/bisexual woman/female. White. Working class. Grew up here.
Saturday, February 6, 2016
Whisper
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| How would you describe life in Kosciusko County for gay and trans folks? |
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| Maybe one step above being black in 1950s Mississippi. |
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| Middle of nowhere = Burn the gay folk. Country bumpkins are scared of the gay folk. |
Friday, February 5, 2016
Cole
I am a very open and proud transman. I lead a group in south bend for transgender males and non binary identified individuals. I am currently approaching my one year mark on hrt. In less than 2 weeks I have a court date to legally change my name and (hopefully) my gender marker.
I realized who I am when I was 5 or 6 years old. I grew up with my grandparents and in the summer all the kids would play outside at one neighbor's house or another. My grandma had pulled me aside to explain that I had to leave my short on when playing outside. My response was "why? The other boys don't". Honestly... It was hell in high school. I couldn't leave fast enough. It did however teach me about hypocrisy, and how NOT to treat others.
The only place I am not 100% open with others as to who I am is at work. I am with the crew on my shift and am working towards being completely open. Hopefully not at the cost of losing my job. I was fired from a position only one time in my entire life. The company terminated my employment due to attendance when according to their own policy I had zero points against me. The owner of the company made no effort to hide his religious beliefs. I was open about who I am as I always have been and you could tell he didn't like it.
There is a small group that has get togethers in Kosciusko County currently. I went to one last month and they were a very nice group of ppl. I think if there aren't more changes for the better, the locals will continue to seek more accepting communities.
I'm becoming more political as time goes on and do what I can to help others realize we are who we are. Be proud and own OT :) I do hope that with being so open I'm able to help others. I've been told I inspire others to go after dreams that they had otherwise thought impossible.
30-ish. Queer trans male. White. Working class. Grew up here. Moved away in 2005.
I realized who I am when I was 5 or 6 years old. I grew up with my grandparents and in the summer all the kids would play outside at one neighbor's house or another. My grandma had pulled me aside to explain that I had to leave my short on when playing outside. My response was "why? The other boys don't". Honestly... It was hell in high school. I couldn't leave fast enough. It did however teach me about hypocrisy, and how NOT to treat others.
The only place I am not 100% open with others as to who I am is at work. I am with the crew on my shift and am working towards being completely open. Hopefully not at the cost of losing my job. I was fired from a position only one time in my entire life. The company terminated my employment due to attendance when according to their own policy I had zero points against me. The owner of the company made no effort to hide his religious beliefs. I was open about who I am as I always have been and you could tell he didn't like it.
There is a small group that has get togethers in Kosciusko County currently. I went to one last month and they were a very nice group of ppl. I think if there aren't more changes for the better, the locals will continue to seek more accepting communities.
I'm becoming more political as time goes on and do what I can to help others realize we are who we are. Be proud and own OT :) I do hope that with being so open I'm able to help others. I've been told I inspire others to go after dreams that they had otherwise thought impossible.
30-ish. Queer trans male. White. Working class. Grew up here. Moved away in 2005.
Wednesday, February 3, 2016
Anonymous 3
I went to Grace College. When I see people I went to school with or have contact with the school, I'm uncomfortable. I went to church here for years. Contact with people I knew from church is also uncomfortable. Sometimes I assume many in the Warsaw area have similar beliefs as I've heard from church and college, making me be fairly cautious in public.
I was raised hearing God sends homosexuals to Hell. That was all I ever heard. I always knew I didn't quite fit in. I was very lonely. In highschool I noticed I had different attractions, but I didn't dare. I went to a conservative college where I kept it to myself. I was a rule-follower hoping everything would work out. I got married, had a kid and a career, but I was dying inside. Eventually I realized I wasn't really living, my years were just slipping away as I suffered through. I was in my thirties by the time I decided I needed to care less about what everyone else thought and take better care of myself.
I'm an introverted person. Those close to me know about my personal life. To me it's a private matter. I am not forward about it. If it comes up, I won't deny it either. I am more careful at work and in our community. I have groups of friends where I feel more freedom. I'm politically aware and vote. When I'm getting dressed I'm mindful of if I blend in enough or if I will stand out. I want to be comfortable, but I don't want to stand out.
I have people who won't talk to me anymore. When I told my best friend in college, she freaked out. She wouldn't talk to me for a month. I felt horrible and more lonely than before. Eventually she talked to me again, but it was never the same. Some people just seem to need to share their beliefs about it if I'm asking them or not. Mostly people are just uncomfortable. I think it will take some time. Maybe within five to ten years people will be more comfortable.
I joined roller derby which really enabled me to find my voice. I was with a new group of amazing women who were authentic and living life. It inspired me to live mine. There is freedom in saying this is who I am. My wife and I got married this year. I couldn't believe how many people came to support us! Many were from my wife's parents' church group. They were happy for us. I couldn't believe it.
40-ish. Lesbian female. White. Middle class. Moved here in the 2000s.
I was raised hearing God sends homosexuals to Hell. That was all I ever heard. I always knew I didn't quite fit in. I was very lonely. In highschool I noticed I had different attractions, but I didn't dare. I went to a conservative college where I kept it to myself. I was a rule-follower hoping everything would work out. I got married, had a kid and a career, but I was dying inside. Eventually I realized I wasn't really living, my years were just slipping away as I suffered through. I was in my thirties by the time I decided I needed to care less about what everyone else thought and take better care of myself.
I'm an introverted person. Those close to me know about my personal life. To me it's a private matter. I am not forward about it. If it comes up, I won't deny it either. I am more careful at work and in our community. I have groups of friends where I feel more freedom. I'm politically aware and vote. When I'm getting dressed I'm mindful of if I blend in enough or if I will stand out. I want to be comfortable, but I don't want to stand out.
I have people who won't talk to me anymore. When I told my best friend in college, she freaked out. She wouldn't talk to me for a month. I felt horrible and more lonely than before. Eventually she talked to me again, but it was never the same. Some people just seem to need to share their beliefs about it if I'm asking them or not. Mostly people are just uncomfortable. I think it will take some time. Maybe within five to ten years people will be more comfortable.
I joined roller derby which really enabled me to find my voice. I was with a new group of amazing women who were authentic and living life. It inspired me to live mine. There is freedom in saying this is who I am. My wife and I got married this year. I couldn't believe how many people came to support us! Many were from my wife's parents' church group. They were happy for us. I couldn't believe it.
40-ish. Lesbian female. White. Middle class. Moved here in the 2000s.
Tuesday, February 2, 2016
Anonymous 2
It's a little difficult living in such a conservative town. It has helped me however to still be myself. I don't necessarily feel the need to live out loud. Like not everyone needs to know that I am a lesbian. I am comfortable in my skin. The people I am close with know I have a wife and I'm not ashamed to hide it. My personal life doesn't need to be shoved in anyone's face. I think I went through a phase where I wanted people to know and accept me. But, being myself and being a good person helps people slowly accept. "Hey that's an awesome person and they happen to be gay" helps give our group a better name. My family took a while to be supportive but they got there and are the most supportive. We have to understand that it is still a very new concept for people. And they are uncomfortable with it it will take time. It isn't something that is going to change overnight. It's something we have had plenty of time to come to come to terms with it. They will get there.
I didn't realize I'm lesbian until I was about 20. Looking back it was always a thing I just was oblivious to it. When I was young, i wanted to grow up to be a boy. I was focused on how everything's "supposed" to be and always had boyfriends but realized I was never actually attracted to them, I just picked them because they were fun to hang out with and we enjoyed similar things. When other girls would talk about guys would just agree and say "yea he is so hot. I want to do things with that guy." If I were talking to a guy I could talk a lot of talk but when it came down to it I didn't even feel comfortable kissing them. I realized something was different when all the girls wanted to do things and I didn't get it. It was easy to be a Christian virgin when you're not into that. There is a point where I had to test the waters on both sides. To for sure know for myself. I am a lesbian. That is for sure. I actually developed a sex drive once I finally kissed a girl I liked.
I don't care if people know; it helps when people don't shove it in their faces. I'm not ashamed of who I am and who I am married to. I work in the public and keep it on the down low. However anyone I work with can tell you that I have a wife and a step-son who are my world. Some people are uncomfortable when I talk about it and I know not to talk about it around them - I'm being respectful to them and their belief or choice, and then they are respectful to me in return. It's a delicate balance. I was bagging groceries one day and a very conservative girl who I used to work with and knew I was gay, told me she didn't want me to bag her groceries. What irritates me the most is when you tell someone and then they think you are into them. Like honey, if most men aren't into you what makes you think I'm into you? Just because you are a girl doesn't mean I'm into you, I have standards. Are you into any just guy because he has a penis? No. I'm not into you, I am just being nice to you.
I just say screw it, and be happy - I got married to my best friend the love of my life. And couldn't be happier. So worth it. What's the point of living a lie and being miserable just to do what everyone else is comfortable with? It's nice when people know you and find out and are like oh OK. And that's it. Then say "you're married right? Tell me about your wife."
We can marry - that is huge! I think that's a little more acceptable. I think it will take time but I think eventually people will realize they are just people nothing to be afraid of.
30-ish. Lesbian female. White. Middle class. Lived here entire life.
I didn't realize I'm lesbian until I was about 20. Looking back it was always a thing I just was oblivious to it. When I was young, i wanted to grow up to be a boy. I was focused on how everything's "supposed" to be and always had boyfriends but realized I was never actually attracted to them, I just picked them because they were fun to hang out with and we enjoyed similar things. When other girls would talk about guys would just agree and say "yea he is so hot. I want to do things with that guy." If I were talking to a guy I could talk a lot of talk but when it came down to it I didn't even feel comfortable kissing them. I realized something was different when all the girls wanted to do things and I didn't get it. It was easy to be a Christian virgin when you're not into that. There is a point where I had to test the waters on both sides. To for sure know for myself. I am a lesbian. That is for sure. I actually developed a sex drive once I finally kissed a girl I liked.
I don't care if people know; it helps when people don't shove it in their faces. I'm not ashamed of who I am and who I am married to. I work in the public and keep it on the down low. However anyone I work with can tell you that I have a wife and a step-son who are my world. Some people are uncomfortable when I talk about it and I know not to talk about it around them - I'm being respectful to them and their belief or choice, and then they are respectful to me in return. It's a delicate balance. I was bagging groceries one day and a very conservative girl who I used to work with and knew I was gay, told me she didn't want me to bag her groceries. What irritates me the most is when you tell someone and then they think you are into them. Like honey, if most men aren't into you what makes you think I'm into you? Just because you are a girl doesn't mean I'm into you, I have standards. Are you into any just guy because he has a penis? No. I'm not into you, I am just being nice to you.
I just say screw it, and be happy - I got married to my best friend the love of my life. And couldn't be happier. So worth it. What's the point of living a lie and being miserable just to do what everyone else is comfortable with? It's nice when people know you and find out and are like oh OK. And that's it. Then say "you're married right? Tell me about your wife."
We can marry - that is huge! I think that's a little more acceptable. I think it will take time but I think eventually people will realize they are just people nothing to be afraid of.
30-ish. Lesbian female. White. Middle class. Lived here entire life.
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