I think the best way to describe Kosciusko County is "isolating and cultlike", in that everyone conforms to a certain way of thinking, and anyone who doesn't is sort of cast out of society and isolated. It's very lonely. There's only one kind of person who is allowed to exist.
When I moved here, I was fed up with organized religion, even though I was very much religious. I still very much believed in god and thought that the ultimate goal of my life was to bring glory to god, but I saw that the church wasn't providing any useful function. In fact, I thought that the church was standing in the way of my relationship with god. Now I realize it was standing between me and my own humanity. Moving here gave me a lot of time to be alone, because there was no one else to be with; for years I had no friends, very little human interaction for years. It forced me to figure things out on my own. No one here has ever enabled me to do anything.
Unfortunately it is very dangerous to engage in clandestine sexual encounters, because even the queer people here have been forced to internalize these fucked up ideas about themselves. They're forced into hiding and they're forced into these clandestine encounters. That's isolating, and isolation produces a dangerous 1-on-1 that is prone to becoming abusive. It's not healthy to hide integral parts of yourself. For a very short time I took part in those kinds of encounters, and I realized how dangerous it was and stopped.
I'm very private and very political. I mean, I'm forced into privacy by nature of having my own thoughts and not conforming to whatever I'm told to believe. I don't try to have a political influence around here; there's really no point. It's not even a matter of hiding. It's more a matter of there's nowhere to go, unless you agree that we should line up the Muslims and gays and shoot them. There's no place for me here. Every time I leave the house, every time I interact with someone in this city. You just walk around and you hear people talking about how you should line up all the Muslims and shoot them, kill all the black protesters.
I go out being visibly trans and I get followed through the grocery store - it's every single time I go out. I was fired from my job and denied benefits that I had earned, and I'll never see those benefits. They lied about the reason they fired me. They get away with it because I'm completely isolated and have no recourse. Living here is a constant stream of bigotry and discrimination.
I can't imagine Kosciusko County has changed much over the years. I don't know how it could have changed, because it's set up in such a way that it can't ever change, or at least I can't see how it could ever change. It's depressing as fuck. This whole experience has been very sad.
Being trans and being queer is just being who I am. It's the way I experience the world. I love who I am. I'll never try to be someone else to win the favor of others, because I only have this one way to experience the world. Trying to be anything else has always been impossible; it's always run me into a dead end.
25. Nonbinary trans woman. White. Disabled. Moved here in 2009.
Saturday, March 19, 2016
Friday, March 18, 2016
Lachelle
I was not born and raised in Kosciusko County, I moved here as an adult. While it is small compared to the other places I have lived, I like this area. I think it is a good place to raise a family. My perception is that because it is a "small town" many people are small minded regarding the LGBT community. It also seems to be a very conservative, Christian area, as such, most are not accepting of LGBT people.
Honestly I never knew I was "different". I was raised in the church and thus heard that it was a choice. So, I guess since I was attracted to the same sex I thought others were as well. I always believed that every person was attracted to both sexes and chose which sex to be involved with. In my mind only the brave dated the same sex. I was over 40 when I realized that most people were not attracted to the same sex. It was very eye opening for me! I quickly realized that I was a lesbian. The years of secretly desiring girls/women and feeling a great deal of guilt (because that was the wrong choice) were confirmation.
In middle school I was constantly getting out of showering with my classmates, I had long, frequent periods so that helped. I was told that I looked too long at other girls and made them uncomfortable. When I was in high school, I didn't take gym class opting for JROTC instead for the same reasons. During basic training I simply woke before the rest of girls in my dorm.
When I came out I lost a lot of friends. Ok, most of my friends. I have attended several churches in the area and the majority of my friends were from one church or another. I was shunned. When attending church activities for my children the people I worshipped with for years wouldn't even speak to me. I have had people stare when I hold my wife's hand in public and heard the whispered comments about the gay couple. I deliver mail and a customer asked me about my relationship status and when I told her I was with a woman she was disgusted and ranted about my being an abomination before God. She said that all "gays/lesbians/whatever's" should be banned to an island to die. I get called sir frequently, even though I have a big bust line and often wear pink. A receptionist at my Dr's office would not accept that I had a wife. When making an appointment for my wife, she kept glaring at me and proceeded to ask multiple times if we were married.
One of the most common misperceptions of both LGBT and straight people is that LGBT have a separate and different lifestyle. This is not true. As LGBT, we do nothing different; we work, eat and sleep just the same as everyone else. We just happen to do those things with someone of the same sex. We are not perverted, or child molesters, nor do we have orgies every night. We are just like you.
I can't say how this area is changing, as it has only been a few years since I've really been aware of it, however, I do think that in those few years people have become more accepting. There seems to be less judging when I hold my wife's hand in public. I think there will be a stronger presence in this area and that as people are educated they will be more accepting and supportive. I feel like ignorance prevails in this area. Educating the people on LGBT and interacting with them as LGBT in a non-violent manner will enable more people to be accepting. People fear what they don't understand, the only way to belay fear is to educate them. Sometimes it takes knowing someone who is LGBT to open the eyes of a judgmental, none accepting person.
I have been presently surprised by the love and acceptance found in this area. I have been accepted by 2 churches in the area without judgement. This is important to me because my faith is a huge part of who I am. It means so much to me that I can worship with and be accepted by other believers.
I do not consider myself to be "in the closet", I am open about being married to a woman. I try to be respectful and not be "in your face" with PDA, but I have and will hold hands with my wife and kiss her goodbye. I would not say that I go out of my way to influence public affairs however, if there is an event planned to support LGBT that I am able to attend I do my best to be present.
I have seen more of an LGBT community in the past few years, prior to that I just wasn't aware because I was not seeking it. Since accepting and acknowledging I am gay I am more aware of other LGBT in the area. It has been an eye-opening experience to see supporters and other LGBT people in this area. The fact that we have a Diversity Rally that includes LGBT and an LGBT group at the high school is very encouraging!
40-ish. Lesbian woman. Black. Middle class. Moved here in the 2000s.
Honestly I never knew I was "different". I was raised in the church and thus heard that it was a choice. So, I guess since I was attracted to the same sex I thought others were as well. I always believed that every person was attracted to both sexes and chose which sex to be involved with. In my mind only the brave dated the same sex. I was over 40 when I realized that most people were not attracted to the same sex. It was very eye opening for me! I quickly realized that I was a lesbian. The years of secretly desiring girls/women and feeling a great deal of guilt (because that was the wrong choice) were confirmation.
In middle school I was constantly getting out of showering with my classmates, I had long, frequent periods so that helped. I was told that I looked too long at other girls and made them uncomfortable. When I was in high school, I didn't take gym class opting for JROTC instead for the same reasons. During basic training I simply woke before the rest of girls in my dorm.
When I came out I lost a lot of friends. Ok, most of my friends. I have attended several churches in the area and the majority of my friends were from one church or another. I was shunned. When attending church activities for my children the people I worshipped with for years wouldn't even speak to me. I have had people stare when I hold my wife's hand in public and heard the whispered comments about the gay couple. I deliver mail and a customer asked me about my relationship status and when I told her I was with a woman she was disgusted and ranted about my being an abomination before God. She said that all "gays/lesbians/whatever's" should be banned to an island to die. I get called sir frequently, even though I have a big bust line and often wear pink. A receptionist at my Dr's office would not accept that I had a wife. When making an appointment for my wife, she kept glaring at me and proceeded to ask multiple times if we were married.
One of the most common misperceptions of both LGBT and straight people is that LGBT have a separate and different lifestyle. This is not true. As LGBT, we do nothing different; we work, eat and sleep just the same as everyone else. We just happen to do those things with someone of the same sex. We are not perverted, or child molesters, nor do we have orgies every night. We are just like you.
I can't say how this area is changing, as it has only been a few years since I've really been aware of it, however, I do think that in those few years people have become more accepting. There seems to be less judging when I hold my wife's hand in public. I think there will be a stronger presence in this area and that as people are educated they will be more accepting and supportive. I feel like ignorance prevails in this area. Educating the people on LGBT and interacting with them as LGBT in a non-violent manner will enable more people to be accepting. People fear what they don't understand, the only way to belay fear is to educate them. Sometimes it takes knowing someone who is LGBT to open the eyes of a judgmental, none accepting person.
I have been presently surprised by the love and acceptance found in this area. I have been accepted by 2 churches in the area without judgement. This is important to me because my faith is a huge part of who I am. It means so much to me that I can worship with and be accepted by other believers.
I do not consider myself to be "in the closet", I am open about being married to a woman. I try to be respectful and not be "in your face" with PDA, but I have and will hold hands with my wife and kiss her goodbye. I would not say that I go out of my way to influence public affairs however, if there is an event planned to support LGBT that I am able to attend I do my best to be present.
I have seen more of an LGBT community in the past few years, prior to that I just wasn't aware because I was not seeking it. Since accepting and acknowledging I am gay I am more aware of other LGBT in the area. It has been an eye-opening experience to see supporters and other LGBT people in this area. The fact that we have a Diversity Rally that includes LGBT and an LGBT group at the high school is very encouraging!
40-ish. Lesbian woman. Black. Middle class. Moved here in the 2000s.
Aurelia Blue
I met my kids’ godfather and his partner, D & A (D is black, A was African-American), in high school. I was about 17; D is 88 now, so that was 25 years ago, he was around 60 and A was around 50. They were from Chicago, the south side, about as ghetto as it gets, in their own words. I met them while working at a local fast food restaurant in Warsaw. It was a close-knit restaurant - still is, a lot of them still work there. You were cool with everyone, you weren’t allowed to not be cool. We didn’t allow negative talk about coworkers. We all went to each other’s houses, we all looked out for each other, we’d give each other rides if our car broken down.
The first time they came in, they were screaming at each other. There had obviously been a problem at home, and when they got to work it was still going on. I was having a particularly stressful night, so the boss put me on dishes. They come in the back door yelling and screaming at each other, like obviously a couple’s quarrel. They hang up their coats and both turn to me and say “hey sweetie, how you doing? You don't need to do those dishes; let me take that for you.” They were real people, nothing fake here. I was socially awkward. They were the people I felt like I could talk to.
I had a quiet boyfriend, C, and we got married young. (We were married for decades until he died.) You can’t talk anyone out of getting married, ever. Our parents tried; we were young, but we were in love. About 4 years later, I got pregnant while still working there. D called the hospital (before HIPAA) and wanted to know what’s going on and why nobody had told him. C told him what had happened, and I could hear over the phone D yelling “what the hell didn’t anyone tell me for?” and then yelling “A, they had the baby!” and A yelled back “what the hell didn't anyone tell me for?” They brought food and helped us paint and they became the unofficial godparents. We’re not really religious, but that’s how it happened.
I started getting panic attacks after G was born. I had gone to nursing school for 2 years so I realized right away that G was autistic. C worked nights, and I was all alone when the panic attacks were the worst. D said he stays up at night to pick A up from work, and he offered that I can call any time and even come over and spend the night at their place any time, and that sealed the deal. They adopted me. It’s kind of fun, because C’s family is just about as homophobic as they come, and pretty darn racist too. But C would say “well that’s D & A” and that would settle it for him. We just told them, they’re the godparents.
D & A had pensions, so they worked more or less for entertainment and extra money. D didn’t quit working till he was 85, 3 years ago, and he didn’t even want to, he had to, but he still does volunteer activities. D said early on of A that “this is my nephew, he came to live with me for health reasons”. I bought it; this was the story they told me, even though they seemed to be in a relationship, but it wasn’t any of my business. A was directly asked about their relationship once by a coworker and he replied “I’m not gay, but D is”.
One day, D and I were standing out in the yard, and I mentioned how the police were doing a lot of investigating when C passed away in our house, taking things out of our house here and there. D said they did the same with A, randomly took his stuff, even though A passed away in the hospital. D had had to get a guardianship to make decisions, and the head nurse was really great about doing it. He said "when we did that, they had to investigate to make sure nothing funny was going on", and followed that with “well I didn’t tell them he was my gay lover!” and then went on like he had said nothing. So it never occurred to me until after A passed.
They were happy together, they had a family together. If they could have been free to be more authentic together, how much more could they have had? They both professed to be Christians by faith, went to church when they could, when things went bad they’d pray about it - the best Christians I ever met were gay people. They were a pretty significant part of our history in this area, and people just aren’t aware of it.
Having grown up in a pretty bigoted part of Illinois and then moving here… My dad said if a gay guy hit on him, he’d punch the guy. C never minded, he’d say “thank you”. I was raised in the most liberal household. We didn’t have a word for “pansexual”, my dad wouldn’t have cared who I came home with, my mom said she didn’t care. My sister’s daughter said she’d come home with a princess or an actress or a beautiful lady who likes horses, and we didn’t care. My sister said she didn’t know who would catch her heart, she always knew she could swing both ways, and my husband said the same of me. N (my current boyfriend) is a big believer in monogamy; other relationships weren’t like that. C was the passionate love of my life, and he could have been a woman and I would have felt the same. We’ve always tried to say to our kids and anyone who will listen, that love is love.
I dated a girl in high school, a neighbor of my grandmother in Chicago. She was told she could take a friend to a vacation to Key West, and she called me! We had a really great time in Key West, it was a teenage relationship, so not too hot, but we enjoyed cuddling and holding hands and kissing. I’m not sure if her parents even noticed. She was a model, she was very pretty and looked older than she was. We went to all these clubs and she would talk our way in. Last I heard she married some dude and had kids, but I don’t know if she still is married or not. It was a fun summer thing, I never really thought anything of it and nobody asked.
The other girl I've been with is still my girl friend, but not my “girlfriend” girl friend. She acts like it never happened, but it did totally happen. It was my first serious relationship since C passed away, and a year after her divorce. She and her ex were living together but not in a relationship anymore, and she dated other women before me. It didn’t work out, because reasons. She was always concerned; we never told her parents, but my mom knew. The kids knew and they didn’t think it was weird. Both our kids are closer now even than when we dated.
When same-sex marriage was finally allowed in Kosciusko County, and her ex-girlfriend got married on the first day, she was worried that now her mom would think she’s gay. And I was like “well what was I to you?” I asked her that day if she’d marry me, even though we had already broken up, but I would have done it if she said “yes”. My boyfriend at the time said he didn’t tell me about the ruling because he was afraid I’d go marry her, but I said I’d already asked and she had given all kinds of reasons why not. He pointed out that while she gave excuses, she didn’t say “no”. One of the last excuses she gave was “but what would my mom and dad say?”
When I was in high school, 5 of my 7 serious boyfriends were gay men. Some knew it at the time, some didn’t. I knew it on some level, because the relationship wouldn’t progress very far, but I wasn’t in a big hurry either. My dad was an unsafe guy, so I also wanted to be with a guy who wasn’t going to hurt me or judge me. There was kissing, there was handholding, who needed to do more than that? They couldn’t openly say they were gay, it was a guarded secret among our friends. It was really dangerous at the time for them to be who they were, whereas now it’s more common for people to be out now.
One of them I heard rumors about that he was HIV-positive because he was hooking up at camp. Had there been better education, he may have stayed safe. There’s a lot of religion around here suppressing that. One still lives with his “personal trainer”... now they wear matching wedding bands, go grocery shopping together, bicker… but he’s his “personal trainer”. My prom date’s brother got married to his boyfriend. (It’s interesting to see who got married and who didn’t.) One girl married her girlfriend. I don’t know if she had a vibe, but she was really athletic and really pretty in high school, and I admired her and wondered who she would go out with.
I think what’s changed in Kosciusko County now is that we don’t cover things up as much anymore. These stories have always happened, people have always lived their way, but now we tell their stories. I think over the next decade or so, things will go something like Farmer Bob out in the field saying “welp, my son brought his partner home to visit; he seems like a nice feller”. I hope some day a guy can be openly married to his “personal trainer”. I hope my niece could marry her princess. I hope our whole family will embrace that.
41. Pansexual woman. White. Moved here when 14. Mother of a transgender boy.
The first time they came in, they were screaming at each other. There had obviously been a problem at home, and when they got to work it was still going on. I was having a particularly stressful night, so the boss put me on dishes. They come in the back door yelling and screaming at each other, like obviously a couple’s quarrel. They hang up their coats and both turn to me and say “hey sweetie, how you doing? You don't need to do those dishes; let me take that for you.” They were real people, nothing fake here. I was socially awkward. They were the people I felt like I could talk to.
I had a quiet boyfriend, C, and we got married young. (We were married for decades until he died.) You can’t talk anyone out of getting married, ever. Our parents tried; we were young, but we were in love. About 4 years later, I got pregnant while still working there. D called the hospital (before HIPAA) and wanted to know what’s going on and why nobody had told him. C told him what had happened, and I could hear over the phone D yelling “what the hell didn’t anyone tell me for?” and then yelling “A, they had the baby!” and A yelled back “what the hell didn't anyone tell me for?” They brought food and helped us paint and they became the unofficial godparents. We’re not really religious, but that’s how it happened.
I started getting panic attacks after G was born. I had gone to nursing school for 2 years so I realized right away that G was autistic. C worked nights, and I was all alone when the panic attacks were the worst. D said he stays up at night to pick A up from work, and he offered that I can call any time and even come over and spend the night at their place any time, and that sealed the deal. They adopted me. It’s kind of fun, because C’s family is just about as homophobic as they come, and pretty darn racist too. But C would say “well that’s D & A” and that would settle it for him. We just told them, they’re the godparents.
D & A had pensions, so they worked more or less for entertainment and extra money. D didn’t quit working till he was 85, 3 years ago, and he didn’t even want to, he had to, but he still does volunteer activities. D said early on of A that “this is my nephew, he came to live with me for health reasons”. I bought it; this was the story they told me, even though they seemed to be in a relationship, but it wasn’t any of my business. A was directly asked about their relationship once by a coworker and he replied “I’m not gay, but D is”.
One day, D and I were standing out in the yard, and I mentioned how the police were doing a lot of investigating when C passed away in our house, taking things out of our house here and there. D said they did the same with A, randomly took his stuff, even though A passed away in the hospital. D had had to get a guardianship to make decisions, and the head nurse was really great about doing it. He said "when we did that, they had to investigate to make sure nothing funny was going on", and followed that with “well I didn’t tell them he was my gay lover!” and then went on like he had said nothing. So it never occurred to me until after A passed.
They were happy together, they had a family together. If they could have been free to be more authentic together, how much more could they have had? They both professed to be Christians by faith, went to church when they could, when things went bad they’d pray about it - the best Christians I ever met were gay people. They were a pretty significant part of our history in this area, and people just aren’t aware of it.
Having grown up in a pretty bigoted part of Illinois and then moving here… My dad said if a gay guy hit on him, he’d punch the guy. C never minded, he’d say “thank you”. I was raised in the most liberal household. We didn’t have a word for “pansexual”, my dad wouldn’t have cared who I came home with, my mom said she didn’t care. My sister’s daughter said she’d come home with a princess or an actress or a beautiful lady who likes horses, and we didn’t care. My sister said she didn’t know who would catch her heart, she always knew she could swing both ways, and my husband said the same of me. N (my current boyfriend) is a big believer in monogamy; other relationships weren’t like that. C was the passionate love of my life, and he could have been a woman and I would have felt the same. We’ve always tried to say to our kids and anyone who will listen, that love is love.
I dated a girl in high school, a neighbor of my grandmother in Chicago. She was told she could take a friend to a vacation to Key West, and she called me! We had a really great time in Key West, it was a teenage relationship, so not too hot, but we enjoyed cuddling and holding hands and kissing. I’m not sure if her parents even noticed. She was a model, she was very pretty and looked older than she was. We went to all these clubs and she would talk our way in. Last I heard she married some dude and had kids, but I don’t know if she still is married or not. It was a fun summer thing, I never really thought anything of it and nobody asked.
The other girl I've been with is still my girl friend, but not my “girlfriend” girl friend. She acts like it never happened, but it did totally happen. It was my first serious relationship since C passed away, and a year after her divorce. She and her ex were living together but not in a relationship anymore, and she dated other women before me. It didn’t work out, because reasons. She was always concerned; we never told her parents, but my mom knew. The kids knew and they didn’t think it was weird. Both our kids are closer now even than when we dated.
When same-sex marriage was finally allowed in Kosciusko County, and her ex-girlfriend got married on the first day, she was worried that now her mom would think she’s gay. And I was like “well what was I to you?” I asked her that day if she’d marry me, even though we had already broken up, but I would have done it if she said “yes”. My boyfriend at the time said he didn’t tell me about the ruling because he was afraid I’d go marry her, but I said I’d already asked and she had given all kinds of reasons why not. He pointed out that while she gave excuses, she didn’t say “no”. One of the last excuses she gave was “but what would my mom and dad say?”
When I was in high school, 5 of my 7 serious boyfriends were gay men. Some knew it at the time, some didn’t. I knew it on some level, because the relationship wouldn’t progress very far, but I wasn’t in a big hurry either. My dad was an unsafe guy, so I also wanted to be with a guy who wasn’t going to hurt me or judge me. There was kissing, there was handholding, who needed to do more than that? They couldn’t openly say they were gay, it was a guarded secret among our friends. It was really dangerous at the time for them to be who they were, whereas now it’s more common for people to be out now.
One of them I heard rumors about that he was HIV-positive because he was hooking up at camp. Had there been better education, he may have stayed safe. There’s a lot of religion around here suppressing that. One still lives with his “personal trainer”... now they wear matching wedding bands, go grocery shopping together, bicker… but he’s his “personal trainer”. My prom date’s brother got married to his boyfriend. (It’s interesting to see who got married and who didn’t.) One girl married her girlfriend. I don’t know if she had a vibe, but she was really athletic and really pretty in high school, and I admired her and wondered who she would go out with.
I think what’s changed in Kosciusko County now is that we don’t cover things up as much anymore. These stories have always happened, people have always lived their way, but now we tell their stories. I think over the next decade or so, things will go something like Farmer Bob out in the field saying “welp, my son brought his partner home to visit; he seems like a nice feller”. I hope some day a guy can be openly married to his “personal trainer”. I hope my niece could marry her princess. I hope our whole family will embrace that.
41. Pansexual woman. White. Moved here when 14. Mother of a transgender boy.
Friday, March 11, 2016
steviesgone015
I am a 51 year old white female who has been married for 32 years and has two adult children (a daughter, 27 and a son, 24). I was raised as a conservative Christian (although I am not anymore) and am a moderate politically.
When our daughter was 20, she got and apartment with another friend, but they needed a third person to be able to afford their rent. Enter Brian. They met him through Roommates.com. He was the girls' age and like them, a college student. He told them right off the bat that he was gay. They didn't care. They all hit it off and became best buds. About six months later Brian decided he needed to come out to his family. It was devastating. His "Christian" family basically disowned him with his grandmother's parting words being, "I hope you get AIDS and die." So our family rallied around him and took him in as one of our own. Over the next two years he spent all his holidays with our family. The three roomies all graduated and took jobs, Brian, in Colorado. He and my daughter are still best friends. When my daughter got engaged, she asked him to stand up with her as her honor attendant. He was thrilled. A couple of years ago he asked me if he ever found Prince Charming, would I walk him down the aisle and give him away at his wedding. With tears in my eyes, I said, " YES!"
So what is the point of this story? It is that before Brian came into my life, I thought that homosexuality was wrong and "yucky", when I gave it any thought at all. It's how I was raised in church. Meeting Brian (and subsequently several of our son's gay friends) has opened my eyes to the unkindness many Christians show toward the gay community. I've been doing my part, in my small part of the world, to try to change the attitudes of family and friends. I am in favor of gay marriage ( hopefully some day it will just be marriage) and have argued endlessly with family members about it. We've agreed to disagree at this point, but I hope that they will eventually realize that love is love, no matter whom you love.
When our daughter was 20, she got and apartment with another friend, but they needed a third person to be able to afford their rent. Enter Brian. They met him through Roommates.com. He was the girls' age and like them, a college student. He told them right off the bat that he was gay. They didn't care. They all hit it off and became best buds. About six months later Brian decided he needed to come out to his family. It was devastating. His "Christian" family basically disowned him with his grandmother's parting words being, "I hope you get AIDS and die." So our family rallied around him and took him in as one of our own. Over the next two years he spent all his holidays with our family. The three roomies all graduated and took jobs, Brian, in Colorado. He and my daughter are still best friends. When my daughter got engaged, she asked him to stand up with her as her honor attendant. He was thrilled. A couple of years ago he asked me if he ever found Prince Charming, would I walk him down the aisle and give him away at his wedding. With tears in my eyes, I said, " YES!"
So what is the point of this story? It is that before Brian came into my life, I thought that homosexuality was wrong and "yucky", when I gave it any thought at all. It's how I was raised in church. Meeting Brian (and subsequently several of our son's gay friends) has opened my eyes to the unkindness many Christians show toward the gay community. I've been doing my part, in my small part of the world, to try to change the attitudes of family and friends. I am in favor of gay marriage ( hopefully some day it will just be marriage) and have argued endlessly with family members about it. We've agreed to disagree at this point, but I hope that they will eventually realize that love is love, no matter whom you love.
Wednesday, March 9, 2016
Karen
The annual Diversity Rally has been 25 years in the making, sadly. I had no idea who Monica Boyer was when I moved here. I had no idea the political leanings here. I would see things in the editorials and think “what a nut job” and kind of let it go. I just lived here and put up with it.
When our daughter came out to us when she was 18, I became acutely aware of the hatred in many pockets of this community. I spoke out once in a while, make a snarky comment here and there, but then I started hearing of Monica Boyer and following her on Facebook. It all came to a head when the state legislature was debating HR something to try to insert into the state constitution that marriage was solely between a male and a female, and that any other union would not be recognized, even a straight civil union. I would follow the comments, and the hatred coming off of Monica’s page was just awful. There was a super bowl ad singing the national anthem or something in different languages, and there was another commercial that showed a same-sex couple, and her page just blew up. She said something like “I didn’t even notice the couple, I was so upset with the español”. A friend said “we ought to have a diversity rally”, so that’s how it happened.
Living in Warsaw, I met people through parents of the kids at the school. Those were not deep relationships, a couple of them were, but we didn’t talk politics, it was very superficial. I did volunteer work, not deep meaningful conversations. My husband is a little more religious than I am, we go to St Anne’s. Good people there. That church runs the whole spectrum, very conservative to very liberal. It was my first place running into people very different than mine and the first place I found people with views very similar to mine, which was very refreshing.
I don’t think the Diversity Rally would have been possible 20 years ago. What’s possible now is due to the influx of younger people, and acceptance of change and acceptance of other people who are not like oneself. This place has grown considerably. The commerce has really brought in I think more, I don’t want to use the term “worldly”, but... this was a very rural community and I don’t think people got out much, or traveled and saw much outside of a 20-mile radius. I wonder how my kids’ lives would have been different if we had raised them elsewhere.
I have not gotten any negative comments about my daughter coming out. People might be afraid of me, cuz that’s probably atypical. My immediate family was very supportive, and my husband’s parents are missionaries with the Lutheran church. It was a shock to me.
I honestly think this town and its leaders and the people that I’ve encountered are open to listening to each other. The issue is a few people that are so loud that you think that is the tone of the town. The more people I’ve talked to, I’m realizing that’s not the case. They’ll have a civil discussion with you. I read the articles in the Times-Union, you would think that’s all of the community. They do hold power and you’ve got to watch them, but that’s not everyone.
With the Diversity Rally, along with getting people to tell their stories, it’s about trying to get to know each other and to learn from people who have different lives and different experiences. We’ve had a speech on different religions. Someone spoke last year from the Indian immigrant population. This year we have someone talking about age discrimination, someone talking about socio-economic discrimination. An exchange student will be talking about Islam. Someone from the Bowen Center talking about the negative mental health effects of marginalization. We have talked about hoping to do some kind of an information table where people can get resources for help, like the Bowen Center to help cope with the negativity. I think they wanted to have a table for the different groups in the community. That’s the ripple effect I’m hoping to have. (For more on this year's Diversity Rally, see the event listing on Facebook. Update: news coverage of Diversity Rally.)
Straight woman. 55. White. Living in Kosciusko County for 25 years.
When our daughter came out to us when she was 18, I became acutely aware of the hatred in many pockets of this community. I spoke out once in a while, make a snarky comment here and there, but then I started hearing of Monica Boyer and following her on Facebook. It all came to a head when the state legislature was debating HR something to try to insert into the state constitution that marriage was solely between a male and a female, and that any other union would not be recognized, even a straight civil union. I would follow the comments, and the hatred coming off of Monica’s page was just awful. There was a super bowl ad singing the national anthem or something in different languages, and there was another commercial that showed a same-sex couple, and her page just blew up. She said something like “I didn’t even notice the couple, I was so upset with the español”. A friend said “we ought to have a diversity rally”, so that’s how it happened.
Living in Warsaw, I met people through parents of the kids at the school. Those were not deep relationships, a couple of them were, but we didn’t talk politics, it was very superficial. I did volunteer work, not deep meaningful conversations. My husband is a little more religious than I am, we go to St Anne’s. Good people there. That church runs the whole spectrum, very conservative to very liberal. It was my first place running into people very different than mine and the first place I found people with views very similar to mine, which was very refreshing.
I don’t think the Diversity Rally would have been possible 20 years ago. What’s possible now is due to the influx of younger people, and acceptance of change and acceptance of other people who are not like oneself. This place has grown considerably. The commerce has really brought in I think more, I don’t want to use the term “worldly”, but... this was a very rural community and I don’t think people got out much, or traveled and saw much outside of a 20-mile radius. I wonder how my kids’ lives would have been different if we had raised them elsewhere.
I have not gotten any negative comments about my daughter coming out. People might be afraid of me, cuz that’s probably atypical. My immediate family was very supportive, and my husband’s parents are missionaries with the Lutheran church. It was a shock to me.
I honestly think this town and its leaders and the people that I’ve encountered are open to listening to each other. The issue is a few people that are so loud that you think that is the tone of the town. The more people I’ve talked to, I’m realizing that’s not the case. They’ll have a civil discussion with you. I read the articles in the Times-Union, you would think that’s all of the community. They do hold power and you’ve got to watch them, but that’s not everyone.
With the Diversity Rally, along with getting people to tell their stories, it’s about trying to get to know each other and to learn from people who have different lives and different experiences. We’ve had a speech on different religions. Someone spoke last year from the Indian immigrant population. This year we have someone talking about age discrimination, someone talking about socio-economic discrimination. An exchange student will be talking about Islam. Someone from the Bowen Center talking about the negative mental health effects of marginalization. We have talked about hoping to do some kind of an information table where people can get resources for help, like the Bowen Center to help cope with the negativity. I think they wanted to have a table for the different groups in the community. That’s the ripple effect I’m hoping to have. (For more on this year's Diversity Rally, see the event listing on Facebook. Update: news coverage of Diversity Rally.)
Straight woman. 55. White. Living in Kosciusko County for 25 years.
Thursday, March 3, 2016
Britt
Kosciusko County was a physically safe place to grow up, 15+ years ago, but it was not an emotionally safe one. I am grateful I was part of a church community that was not completely anti-gay, that my parents and friends were supportive of me. But I did not come out as a lesbian fully until college, due to animosity both perceived and experienced from fellow students, WCHS faculty, and community members.
I was 15 and I saw a magazine letters page where a girl had written in about her two best friends being in a lesbian relationship. They had included with this article a picture from "if these walls could talk II" of Chloe Sevigny leaning up against a wall very close to Michelle Williams... and I suddenly realized what all my friends were talking about when they talked about boys they had crushes on. Yikes. I presented as very stereotypically femme in high school, which was not how I wanted to look, but how I figured I could pass. I'm not sure it really worked, anyway. But I tried. I also used my Christian faith in high school to explain why I "couldn't possibly" be gay.
When I was a senior in high school, WCHS got a GSA. I didn't join for fear but I did fight for it as a member of the student council. One of the ramifications of this club, based out of conservative backlash, was that no clubs were allowed to use public school buses anymore. I was a member of the ski club, and our annual rates went up a bit as we suddenly had to pay for coach buses to Swiss Valley. One day we were getting on the bus and a student in front of me asked the teacher chaperoning, "why can't we use the school buses anymore?" His response was to roll his eyes and say "ohhhh, because of the little 'boys and girls club' we all have to walk on eggshells now." It's the closest I've ever been to wanting to sucker punch a grown ass man. I also was a cadet teacher in high school getting good marks working in a third grade classroom until I wrote a letter to the editor defending gay marriage. Shortly after that the teacher I was working with docked me to a C and sent allegations to my high school advisor that I "favored the girls." And some kids wrote "DYKE" on my parents driveway once.
I'm not in the closet but it's been many years since I've been politically active... except in the sense that "the personal is political" and I can use my "outness" to influence others daily. I no longer present in ways that make me uncomfortable (stereotypically "men's" fashion and a short hairstyle). Being queer has given me a wider world view. I had to work harder as a person of faith to develop something authentic and individual. I am able to relate with others or understand the spirit of their own oppression, if not the oppression itself. I'm a singer songwriter and struggle begats art :). I've traveled a lot and I've written music about growing up in a restrictive environment and the freedom that exists elsewhere. That things are much much bigger than KC would have you believe. It's actually given me some small amount of sympathy toward the people who are born and die there not knowing how much they are limiting themselves. KC people haven't really "allowed" me to develop this because I have been gone from Indiana for 10 years. But they did gift me with the freedom and the encouragement to leave, either by being wholly unaccepting of me, or by being the few teachers, mentors I had that quietly told me I could be who I was and that there was better out there.
I think things have changed a lot in the years since I've been gone. I'm grateful to my own mom for being one of the founders of the diversity rally that exists annually now, and I know that other groups exist. I wish I would have been more courageous and joined the gsa when still in high school. The annual diversity rally and recent counter-protest to whatever dumb thing Monica Boyer was hosting are prime examples of people speaking up and being allowed to do so. I know that one of the major orthopedics companies on Warsaw has a diversity support group for employees, including LGBT. I'm happy to see these sorts of things happening. I'm happy to see that the loudest voices I hear coming out of my hometown and home county are not exclusively white, straight, and conservative. I think things can only get better and I am grateful to the people who stayed behind to make sure they do.
30-ish. Lesbian/queer female. White. Middle class. Lived here in 1990s & 2000s.
I was 15 and I saw a magazine letters page where a girl had written in about her two best friends being in a lesbian relationship. They had included with this article a picture from "if these walls could talk II" of Chloe Sevigny leaning up against a wall very close to Michelle Williams... and I suddenly realized what all my friends were talking about when they talked about boys they had crushes on. Yikes. I presented as very stereotypically femme in high school, which was not how I wanted to look, but how I figured I could pass. I'm not sure it really worked, anyway. But I tried. I also used my Christian faith in high school to explain why I "couldn't possibly" be gay.
When I was a senior in high school, WCHS got a GSA. I didn't join for fear but I did fight for it as a member of the student council. One of the ramifications of this club, based out of conservative backlash, was that no clubs were allowed to use public school buses anymore. I was a member of the ski club, and our annual rates went up a bit as we suddenly had to pay for coach buses to Swiss Valley. One day we were getting on the bus and a student in front of me asked the teacher chaperoning, "why can't we use the school buses anymore?" His response was to roll his eyes and say "ohhhh, because of the little 'boys and girls club' we all have to walk on eggshells now." It's the closest I've ever been to wanting to sucker punch a grown ass man. I also was a cadet teacher in high school getting good marks working in a third grade classroom until I wrote a letter to the editor defending gay marriage. Shortly after that the teacher I was working with docked me to a C and sent allegations to my high school advisor that I "favored the girls." And some kids wrote "DYKE" on my parents driveway once.
I'm not in the closet but it's been many years since I've been politically active... except in the sense that "the personal is political" and I can use my "outness" to influence others daily. I no longer present in ways that make me uncomfortable (stereotypically "men's" fashion and a short hairstyle). Being queer has given me a wider world view. I had to work harder as a person of faith to develop something authentic and individual. I am able to relate with others or understand the spirit of their own oppression, if not the oppression itself. I'm a singer songwriter and struggle begats art :). I've traveled a lot and I've written music about growing up in a restrictive environment and the freedom that exists elsewhere. That things are much much bigger than KC would have you believe. It's actually given me some small amount of sympathy toward the people who are born and die there not knowing how much they are limiting themselves. KC people haven't really "allowed" me to develop this because I have been gone from Indiana for 10 years. But they did gift me with the freedom and the encouragement to leave, either by being wholly unaccepting of me, or by being the few teachers, mentors I had that quietly told me I could be who I was and that there was better out there.
I think things have changed a lot in the years since I've been gone. I'm grateful to my own mom for being one of the founders of the diversity rally that exists annually now, and I know that other groups exist. I wish I would have been more courageous and joined the gsa when still in high school. The annual diversity rally and recent counter-protest to whatever dumb thing Monica Boyer was hosting are prime examples of people speaking up and being allowed to do so. I know that one of the major orthopedics companies on Warsaw has a diversity support group for employees, including LGBT. I'm happy to see these sorts of things happening. I'm happy to see that the loudest voices I hear coming out of my hometown and home county are not exclusively white, straight, and conservative. I think things can only get better and I am grateful to the people who stayed behind to make sure they do.
30-ish. Lesbian/queer female. White. Middle class. Lived here in 1990s & 2000s.
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